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To matter – A poem

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The world is so big
And I know I am small
If I don’t matter to anyone,
Do I matter at all?

Do I matter to them?
Do I matter to you?
I hope that I matter
But matter to who?

Do I tiptoe through hearts?
Do I skip through minds
Of lonely souls
Longing to find

A voice to lift
Their ragged bones,
To dry their tears
Or soften their moans.

Do I matter to whispers,
To stolen glances,
To silent smiles,
Do they dream of dances?

Maybe I matter to those
I’m yet to find
But if I matter to mysteries,
Or not, I don’t mind.

But why does it matter
That I matter to you?
Surely it matters more
That the sky is still blue.

I’ve gone as far to accept
That I’m destined to be
Stuck in this skeleton
Yet still I’m more free

Than most might think.

I tell myself
It’s enough that I am,
I am part of the world
And I’m part of its plan.

But if I know that I am
And still sometimes I shatter
‘I am’ can’t be enough
If still I don’t matter.

What’s alive keeps the living
Growing and flowing.
What’s the point in ‘I am’
If I don’t keep something glowing?

But a soul is still a soul,
A life still a life
And life will pass through me
Like day turns to night.

All the matters only exist,
While I am alive.
I am part of the world
I am here to thrive.

I am as much of a life
As all that I see,
I am living as strongly
As the tall of a tree

As the warmth of the sun
As the rhythm of the sea
If I don’t matter at all,
At least I matter to me.

The only soul
I’ll ever know
Is the one who fuels
My skin and bones.

So if I have to live
With all I’ll be
Then maybe it matters
That I matter to me.

But what if it’s more?
Maybe the world would be
Missing a piece of alive
If it weren’t for me.

But if I matter to the world
There must be others too.
I must matter to them
I must matter to you.

I matter to me,
And anyone new.

 

Do I matter at all?
Maybe I do.

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To everyone I’ve ever written about – A poem

To everyone I’ve ever written about,

I’m not sure if you realise, but
I have immortalised your soul
In the walls of my words.
I hope you don’t mind
That you will live on for the eternity
That my words do.
Your existence is known to all
Although no one knows your name.
Even as my words decay,
All that I wrote
Will always have been written.
Perhaps every person is immortalised
Inside the cage of someone’s heart.
I guess there’s just more evidence of you.
I’m sorry if this isn’t what you wanted.

Yours sincerely,
A writer.

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To write what I can’t – A poem

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My tongue will twist around words
Unable to be spoken,
My voice box choked
By your ineffable beauty.
Your glorious grace,
Not perfect for all
But perfect for me.

The butterflies will
Haunt my hands
As the frantic flutter
Of so many wings
Shakes my bones
And rumbles through my veins.

I won’t be able to keep hold of a pen,
All of my mind
Preoccupied
With seeing and breathing
And seeking and finding all of you.

I will see the artistry of your soul
Leaking out of
The way you string your sentences
Or the way you smile
Or the way you do anything,
Really.

My mind will stumble
And trip and mumble
Over you.
Not quite able to find words
Within the jumble
To perfectly describe
The colours of you.
The words are lost
To write you
As beautifully as Iwant to.

But I strive to write what I can’t.

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Mind of its own – A poem

Sometimes I think
My thoughts
Are also thinking.
Like thoughts inside thoughts.
They whisper between
Each other
And one another.
That’s why sometimes
I don’t know how I feel.
That’s why sometimes
My head is cloudy
Filled with the static
Of susurrus sounds.
They giggle amongst themselves
When I’m feeling on top of the world,
Because they think it will be funny
When they push me

And I fall.

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The life of an ambivert

Every personality test I’ve ever taken has told me I’m an introvert, so that’s what I’ve always identified with. It made sense because I highly value my alone time and too much socialising for a long time tends to tire me out and I crave the opportunity to be alone. That doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy being social, it just meant that sometimes my battery would run out and I would need to be alone in order to recharge. However, too much alone time also sometimes became too much for me, which confused me. So I think there’s more to it that just introversion and extroversion. I thought there must be something in between. That’s when I discovered ambiversion.

An ambivert is someone who is neither an introvert nor an extrovert, but somewhere in between. Instead of having a battery that is recharged solely by either social interaction or alone time, it can really depend on the person and the situation. For me, I have more like a double ended battery. I think that’s the best way to describe it. In order to visualise it, let’s say the battery is filled with two different colours and the ideal way for the colours to be distributed is for it to be even. So I need an even amount of social interaction and alone time in order for me to be the most mentally happy and healthy. If I start spending too much time alone, it starts filling up with that colour and the colour representing the social side of the battery starts to decrease, and vice versa.

I think I realised this when I found a few people whose company I truly enjoyed. Their company didn’t drain my battery in any way, but refilled it if I’d been having too much time alone. I suddenly wanted to spend time with other people. I found people who I didn’t feel lonely around, which showed me what socialising is meant to feel like. Humans are social creatures. We aren’t made for complete constant solitude, so it seemed unnatural for me to feel so not myself when around other people. But I think when I learned and found the people who made me feel myself and who allowed me to be myself, I simply realised that being social isn’t something that should make me feel down or that should drain my battery, and it is something that can charge it.

So I think the main message here is that everything should be done in moderation. Like everything else; exercising, eating, spending time on social media, working and relaxing. And when you find what works for you, a lot can change.

As a side note, I don’t believe that one needs to be labelled as an ‘introvert’, an ‘extrovert’ or anything in between in order to ‘be something’ in a sense. No one needs labels in order to be validated. No one truly needs to know which category or label they fall under. In fact, I don’t like labels terribly much. But sometimes, I find that working out where I fit under these umbrellas can help me to develop base understandings of who I am, especially in relation to other people. Because everyone is different and I believe knowing and recognising how people differ is important when it comes to accepting and appreciating others for who they are as well as accepting and loving yourself for who you are. And I believe gaining acceptance and appreciation for the people and world around you are both key stepping stones in finding true happiness.

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Map of time – A poem and illustration

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What if
All that was,
Is,
And will be
Is constant?
What if it has all
Already happened
And is happening
Continuously,
Right now,
But each of us is only capable
Of consciously knowing
One spot at a time.
What if time is a place
And not its own
Abstract entity
That we’re all led to believe?
What if time
Is a map?
And all that was, is,
And will be
Are just points,
Coordinates.
This map holds our journey
Of life,
And what if we simply travel
Across time,
Instead of through it.
What if all these ups and downs
And leaps and bounds
Are just us climbing mountains
Of time.
What if this map
Holds the knowledge
Of all our predestined
Destinations
As check point flags,
And it’s just our job
To find them.
Maybe we all have a path
Laid out for us,
But sometimes we stumble
Off the side
As our mind
Mumbles wishes
And our heart itches
For something out the corner
Of our eye.
Then maybe we get lost
And everything
Starts to crumble
And tumble
Until we find out way
Back on track.
Our itch
Has been scratched
And in our mind
There’s a switch
As we click
Back into place.
Back on our path
Across the mountain range
The forests
The plains
Through the pain
The gain
The rivers and rain
The insane and mundane
Again
And again.
Our destinations
Already exist
But it’s up to us
How we get there.
So nothing will ever be boring
If we find a path
Filled with heres, theres
And everywheres
Somewheres
Nowheres,
If we feel
All emotions
And watch the motions
Of life.
Life
Is so magical
If you let it be.
Just remember
That no matter where your footsteps go
You will end up
Exactly where you are meant
To be going.
So stop thinking so much.
And don’t forget
To enjoy the journey.

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yesterday – some poems, photos and thoughts.

these photos
are fresh –
a fiction
a fantasy
I never thought
would become
a memory
fleeting
frozen
turned into forever
fragments
of days spent together
with faces
now familiar
I’m flooded
with feelings
of faith
fate has helped me
find my way
and this
experience
is like a film
that used to be
only behind a screen
out of reach
but this is how
I was supposed
to be
to flourish
I am filled
with a fountain
of happiness
and freedom
far from all
I’ve learned to know
I am allowed to forget
and follow only me
I can fly
without fear
of falling
because I know
if and when
I fall
I will float
like a feather
I have found my place
I feel fresh
I feel new
I feel awake
and I can’t wait
for all the feelings
my future will make

 
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To see more of these lovely ladies here are their Instagrams 🙂
@georgiaslater
@jess_kuss

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I am so small
compared to the sky
the ocean
nature
the world
I could never compete
with such vast expanses
of colour.
But I am still a carrier
of life.
I still carry part of
the sky
the ocean
nature
the world
within me.
And that is enough.

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I feel I am
on top of the world
but really
I’m just standing
in a different place
in a different position.
This is nothing
but a new perspective.
Still,
from here,
everything seems so small
yet the world
so big.
A magnificent cluster
of specks.
I am a speck too
but I have temporarily
floated away.
This solitude
and separation
shows me
that no matter how
big or important
the world inside my head
may seem
really, it is just another speck.
So I
(and all of us)
should stop worrying so much
about specks,
because when you see things
from above,
you realise
they really don’t matter
at all.

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Honestly it was slightly weird to be so outside in the world and have something so inside and manmade like couches among us.

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the paradox of insignificance

Seeing a place where I spend all my time from above or the outside, really shows me just how small and insignificant I am. I am just a speck. But if every speck is insignificant and I am a speck in a cluster of insignificances, yet together we are significant…

am I really insignificant at all?

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I remember being very uncomfortable when this photo was taken because I was stuck in the middle of kicking over but it wasn’t going smoothly. However, when I look at this picture I feel an overwhelming sense of calm and serenity wash over me because it feels like I an just floating so perfectly in space. I look so balanced.

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I think photos have an incredible power to capture balance, even if it didn’t really exist in the moment.

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Admiring our masterpieces 🙂

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happy chappy.

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portraits of me

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soaking in the sun.
turning my face towards the light.
feeling a warm embrace
from nature.

 

the other side of my camera:

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details:

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landscape:

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portraits:

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I went on an adventure to Adelaide’s wonderful Mount Osmond yesterday and took lots of pictures with a couple of friends. I have too many photos to post them all to Instagram so I decided I’d make a bit of a gallery/scrapbook on here, because I wanted to package them all together in a nice memory box. So this was it… complete with some poems and thoughts as well.

Special thanks to the ones behind/in front of the cameras :)))

 

our Instagrams:

@laurenkathleen_
@georgiaslater
@jess_kuss